[ All the respect and fondness in the world isn't enough to stem the tide of exasperation he feels in the face of reaction. If he'd ever had expectations or hopes of such a moment before, having her disrobe out of fury and rebuff any attempt at kindness would most assuredly not have been included among them.
But perhaps, between the two of them, this was never going to come together easily.
He moves forward, reaching out to grasp her hand within his own. If she'll allow him, he traces a thumb across the scar closest to her wrist. A faint whisper of a touch. At odds with the steel of his tone. ]
What is it you want from me?
[ Physically, emotionally... She's free to take the question however she'd like, so long as she does not disregard it altogether. ]
[Despite the careful way he touches her Edelgard still flinches. He asks his question, and when her eyes finally meet his some time has gone by with silence between them.]
I do not know.
[Her voice is soft and belies her apprehension.]
I wished to be honest and clear the air, but I am unsure of where to go from here. And I dislike that uncertainty.
[After all her life has always had an end goal until now. First, to become Emperor, then it was to overthrow the Church, and then to take down Those Who Slither. But where is here life now? Where is the certainty? What end goal is there to this?]
[ At her flinch, he halts the movement but allows his grip to remain, keeping hold of her hand. A tether between them as they stumble their way forward through this conversation. He wants to do a great deal more, to give in to the freedom of exploration and feel each and every part she's revealed to him. From the softness of her skin to the lines of scar tissue between.
And yet, he cannot. Not until or unless the time comes when she will allow it. ]
I fear certainty may be too much to ask for when dealing with territory as uncharted as this.
[ Would having greater experience in these matters make this easier? He'd wager not. No one else is Edelgard, after all. For better or for worse, she's always had a tendency to make his life infinitely more complex. ]
But I can say, with utter assurance, that my feelings towards you haven't changed. Not in these last few minutes, nor in the years since we first met.
[ They're grown, yes. Become less... innocent, in a multitude of ways, since the days when simply holding each other would have been scandalous, but the spirit of that connection remains. Has shattered and been reforged strong enough to give him the confidence to believe they can continue to overcome uncertainty and fear. ]
Are... are you saying that you loved me, even back then? Even as you cursed my name?
[It shakes her, honestly. To think they both loved each other and were torn apart. To think that they may both feel the same now, but are unable to act because of the years between them.
Or... perhaps she's the only one unable to act. Despite overcoming so much she still feel frozen. Unable to grow beyond her place of righteous fury and rebellion. Or perhaps Edelgard is simply scared that she does not know how to accept even the simplest of affections. Stunted in more than just her height.]
In a sense, yes. I doubt I could have recognized it as such at the time, but that does not mean those feelings ever truly left me.
[ If anything, they'd only served to feed the hatred he held towards both her and himself. A sick, miserable cycle of regret and fury; all providing weapons with which the dead could use to torment him. If he'd cared for her less, perhaps the knowledge of her sins would not have weighed so heavily, compounding his need for vengeance with the sting of perceived betrayal. ]
I apologize. It's a... disturbing thought, I know, considering the wounds we inflicted on each other during that time.
[ Unintentional though it may be, he wouldn't blame her for being unsettled by the correlation between those events and their current topic of discussion. ]
No, [she says softly as she raises their hands. He holds hers, but she cups her free hand over his. Now she holds him in her hands.]
There is no need to apologize. Your breakdown was intentional. It was planned. That's why I did not argue the truth at that time. And I feel as if maybe I know how to better accept your hate than I do your affection. I am not particularly well versed in receiving it. Or even having friends.
I never thought days like these would come again after I did what needed to be done.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ All the respect and fondness in the world isn't enough to stem the tide of exasperation he feels in the face of reaction. If he'd ever had expectations or hopes of such a moment before, having her disrobe out of fury and rebuff any attempt at kindness would most assuredly not have been included among them.
But perhaps, between the two of them, this was never going to come together easily.
He moves forward, reaching out to grasp her hand within his own. If she'll allow him, he traces a thumb across the scar closest to her wrist. A faint whisper of a touch. At odds with the steel of his tone. ]
What is it you want from me?
[ Physically, emotionally... She's free to take the question however she'd like, so long as she does not disregard it altogether. ]
no subject
I do not know.
[Her voice is soft and belies her apprehension.]
I wished to be honest and clear the air, but I am unsure of where to go from here. And I dislike that uncertainty.
[After all her life has always had an end goal until now. First, to become Emperor, then it was to overthrow the Church, and then to take down Those Who Slither. But where is here life now? Where is the certainty? What end goal is there to this?]
no subject
And yet, he cannot. Not until or unless the time comes when she will allow it. ]
I fear certainty may be too much to ask for when dealing with territory as uncharted as this.
[ Would having greater experience in these matters make this easier? He'd wager not. No one else is Edelgard, after all. For better or for worse, she's always had a tendency to make his life infinitely more complex. ]
But I can say, with utter assurance, that my feelings towards you haven't changed. Not in these last few minutes, nor in the years since we first met.
[ They're grown, yes. Become less... innocent, in a multitude of ways, since the days when simply holding each other would have been scandalous, but the spirit of that connection remains. Has shattered and been reforged strong enough to give him the confidence to believe they can continue to overcome uncertainty and fear. ]
no subject
[It shakes her, honestly. To think they both loved each other and were torn apart. To think that they may both feel the same now, but are unable to act because of the years between them.
Or... perhaps she's the only one unable to act. Despite overcoming so much she still feel frozen. Unable to grow beyond her place of righteous fury and rebellion. Or perhaps Edelgard is simply scared that she does not know how to accept even the simplest of affections. Stunted in more than just her height.]
no subject
[ If anything, they'd only served to feed the hatred he held towards both her and himself. A sick, miserable cycle of regret and fury; all providing weapons with which the dead could use to torment him. If he'd cared for her less, perhaps the knowledge of her sins would not have weighed so heavily, compounding his need for vengeance with the sting of perceived betrayal. ]
I apologize. It's a... disturbing thought, I know, considering the wounds we inflicted on each other during that time.
[ Unintentional though it may be, he wouldn't blame her for being unsettled by the correlation between those events and their current topic of discussion. ]
no subject
There is no need to apologize. Your breakdown was intentional. It was planned. That's why I did not argue the truth at that time. And I feel as if maybe I know how to better accept your hate than I do your affection. I am not particularly well versed in receiving it. Or even having friends.
I never thought days like these would come again after I did what needed to be done.